Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.