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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.