Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!