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My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
justin bieber
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.