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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Attention fuels immaturity
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.