Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.