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**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I`m perfect you adjust.