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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(