Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"