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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.