Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.