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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”