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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
You look like I need another drink
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.