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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion