Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.