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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.