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So many rules; so little time to break them.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.