Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.