Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)