Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.