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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something