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Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.