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Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car