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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.