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My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.