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Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.