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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.