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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.