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Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.