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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.