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I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.