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I put the pro in inappropriate.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.