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What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.