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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"