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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Not so great minds also think alike.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.