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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.