Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Keep calm and drink on.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.