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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!