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I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.