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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?