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Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.