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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.