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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`