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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.