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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.