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My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.