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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought β€œI didn’t know I knew that."
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.