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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
At a wedding reception someone yelled: βAll the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth livingβ The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
it`s friday o clock
Thereβs a reason why βsoberβ and βso boredβ sound almost exactly the same.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
When I die, Iβd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people outβ¦ βHey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?β