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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.