Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.