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After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.