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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.