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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.