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I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy