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The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.