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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.