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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.