Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"