Daily Silly Status

Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.

Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.

Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"

I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.

Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.

You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.

I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.

Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.

My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.

Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.

"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...

Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.