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I put the o in illiterate!
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?