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Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on