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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.